dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize