no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
