My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
