My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize