oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Im part way to drunk.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
