I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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