New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
this will be a night to untag.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
