We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
