i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
