Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
