mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize