I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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