That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
