So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
