Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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