these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
