So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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