how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
