I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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