We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
