i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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