who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
