She is in my trunk
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize