Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
