listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
