So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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