Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
