Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
