ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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