I'm going to jail i love you
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
