This is not my ceiling
wat bout pragnant strippers??
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
