if you like me you must not know who I am
i jhust puked up my retainher.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
