Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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