Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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