I'm lost and stupid without you.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
