we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
