Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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