I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
