Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
