So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm passing your future prison.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
