Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Found your dick twin last night
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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