the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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