I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
