Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
