Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
