Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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