eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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