normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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