just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
