Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
