I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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