I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
