barbara walters just said penis...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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