After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
