the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i believe in u and ur pee
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
