My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
