we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Let's get the cat blown out
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
