yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
