She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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