I feel like I'm in dance class right now
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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