How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
