No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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