Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
