Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Is it penis luge time yet?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
