Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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