Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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