I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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