dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
whose ass print is on the piano?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
